Things they Don't Tell you about Dementia

Something that I'm learning about dementia, is that it's a unique experience.  Momma, for instance, is, thank God!, doing really well overall.  Lord willing, she will continue to do so. 

The other day I read a post about things they don't tell you about dementia.  A good deal of it didn't relate to me, but there were a few things that I liked enough that I was thinking about sharing it. 

Then one of her comments hit me the wrong way.  She said that she would give anything not to have to care for her mother. 

The thing is, I wish I didn't have to care for my mother if she could get better.  If she could miraculously be healed, restored to health, and we could live our lives independently, like a normal mother and daughter, that would be great.  Who, with a loved one having a degenerative disease, wouldn't want them to be cured.

However, with the situation as it is, I don't want not to care for my mother.  That's one of the things no one told me about dementia-  that it would be such a great blessing in my life.  That it would force me to spend time with a loved one.  That cuddling up on the arm of an easy chair to watch church on a cell phone would be treasured time. 

So since a lot of that blog post's list didn't apply to me, here is my version of "things no one tells you about dementia".  Partway through this list, I decided to try and make it a positive list-  because that in and of itself is another thing no one tells you about dementia.  Dementia is not beautiful.  If you look, however, you can find beauty around you while living with it. 

No one tells you how wonderful and accepting people can be.  No one tells you that children can be your best friends-  that sometimes it's in the eyes of a child that true lack of judgment is found. 

No one tells you that sometimes moms are awesome.  The number of moms who allow my mom to talk to their kids, who smile and encourage the interaction can be so encouraging.

No one tells you how much you will appreciate a good pharmacist.  A small town pharmacist can be the difference between giving a loved one what is prescribed, and giving her what is best.  "Your mom's pretty small-  yes that is the generally prescribed dose of ibuprofen from an ER but I'd give her half of that to start." 

No one tells you how valuable a doctor's office that works with you is.  A doctor who, when you call to say you suspect a urinary tract infection, will call lab work into a closer lab rather than making you come in.  Also valuable?  A lab that will let you pick up a specimen cup, take it home to fill, and bring it back.  With medical professionals like this, you can get a diagnosis and a prescription and never have to drag a loved one to the doctor. 

No one tells you that a flexible job can be more important than a high paying job.  A boss who gives you a lot of sick time, and free reign to use it not only for your needs but to take elderly relatives to appointments and meet with hospital social workers, is invaluable. 

No one tells you that teenagers can make the best (and least expensive) caregivers.  As she's matured, my cousin has become one of my favorite paid caregiver options. 

No one tells you that you will decide to end a blog post when you see that she has woken up, and the debate about continuing or not is solved as you decide it's time for dinner.